Roto Loser Fantasy Baseball Diary: Rotisserie Baseball Genocide

I know the year is just beginning, but the start to this season has been my worst ever, and that’s saying something. Some things you just can’t make up, and the circumstances that I’ve been dealt have made it so that I literally haven’t even been able to field a full team. When spring training started this year my Rotisserie team was looking like a virtual dream team of protected players, particularly on the pitching side. What happened to my pitching staff, however, was nothing short of Rotisserie Baseball genocide.

Going into the season I had Zack Greinke, Ubaldo Jimenez, Mat Latos and Brandon Morrow all as protected starters and Brian Wilson as a protected closer. This was unquestionably the best group of pitchers I had ever protected from the previous season and I thought that I would be walking into the draft room with the best staff in my league. Then, one by one as the season opener neared closer and then came and went, the fantasy pitching house of cards started to fall. Every single stinkin’ one of these guys either opened the season on the DL or was quickly placed on it once the season opened.

The worst part of this entire nightmare start is that I was unable to field a team, which is a violation of our league constitution. By that I mean, in my league where we have six starters and two relievers, we have a rule that says you must have at least five active pitchers (on major league rosters and not on the DL) at all times. This rule was instituted many years ago to prevent someone with a lead in the ERA and WHIP categories from putting in guys who weren’t going to pitch coming down the stretch. The remedy for this situation if you do not have any alternatives on your roster to meet the mandate is that you have to either waive players and pick ones up to put you in compliance, or trade them for players to do the same.

Here I am in the extended first scoring period of the season, attempting to work out deals to get something quality back for what I consider “elite talent”, and the guys in the league are offering me diddly squat because they know they have me bent over a barrel. You want to talk in about taking it up the ying-yang without Vaseline, the best offer I received was Mike Pelfrey and Josh Beckett for Zack Greinke and Mat Latos! There is definitely collusion amongst the other guys in the league occurring here, but there’s no way to prove it. And even if I could, I would just come off as a sore loser. As far as they are concerned this is just another way to suppress me and keep me in the basement.

I’ve got news for everyone, Costa is not going to take this lying down. I’m fighting fire with fire. I’ve decided to join the Church of Dave and not let the bastards keep me down. I’m waiving both Greinke and Latos. Why do something stupid like that you ask? Well first off, as far as I’m concerned that option isn’t any worse than taking Pelfrey and Beckett. Secondly, I’ll be dammed if I’m going to set my arch nemesis up with a lopsided deal up like that.

I’m going to make these colluding bastards all trip over themselves in a bidding war and have one or two guys blow a huge chunk of free agent money on them. If someone wants these two guys, they are going to have to pay. And in case you are wondering, yes I do know you are supposed to fight fire with water, but I’m not happy here and I’m going to be a pyromaniac and create one big friggin’ blaze.